CRPS/RSD AND LIVING WITH IT
I was finally diagnosed two years ago going on three years ago now, what a mission that was, anyone would think that people who have chronic pain absolutely love it, or else we are trying to wrought the system,or we are just bunging on in general, and this goes for a lot of the specialists out there too, i don't know how many of these specialists rooms i have left in tears.
It seems also, that if you do not fit the already written book on this condition, that it is not possible for you to have it, so they try putting a square peg in a round hole, or just put you down in their books as a bung on, or someone who insane, or whatever.
What ever happened to the Dr's who wanted to be Dr's so as to be able to help people? I do not think there is many of these left, these days the main aim is to earn the big bucks.
Nobody in their right mind would want this, nobody suffers with any form of chronic pain would, all we want is to be able to live a normal life, because now we realise how lucky we were before, because now it causes us more pain than pleasure to most things that we loved before, now we have to learn different things, like how to cope with the pain when it's at it's worst.
We have to try and ignore the pain on our loved ones faces when we can't wear our mask, we have to learn what it's like to not have friends, exept for those online, and hopefully our families, because let's face it,most well people don't want to be around someone like us, because it scares the hell out of them, that it could happen to them.
This monster has caused so much in mine
l upheaval
and my families lives, nothing is the same, and won't be again.
I cant and will not go into what we have been through as a result, either directly or indirectly, it is too personal, and to be honest the wounds have healed.It's bad enough having to live with the physical pain, let alone the emotional stuff too.
I don't know how many times i have wished that i was not around anymore,not only because of the pain, but because of everything else that went with it.
Not all has been bad though, i have met some lovely people who are also sufferers, or supporters, who seem to be the only ones to have some understanding of what you are going through. Our husbands or wives do not understand, they were used to us being strong competant people, now we are dependant on them, and not always able to things with them that we did before, so therefor they carry a bit of resentment towards us i think, well maybe not us exactly , but it may as well be.
And don't forget the kids, now they have to step up to the plate as well, and boy is that hard for them when they are used to having two strong capable parents.
So it can be a very visicous circle, one that we are all caught up in, and do not quite know how to cope with it, or what to do for each other, because it's tearing us apart because we all know that we are all hurting.
And what about those people who look at us and don't see that we are not ok, so they think we are well, and do not deserve that disabled park?? I have had two mild strokes within the past few weeks, this has been the scariest time of my life,I honestly thought i was going to die, i am not out of the woods yet, my blood pressure is still fluctuating, i am still getting very breathless. This has certainly given new meaning to be careful what you wish for.
I am not sorry for myself, most times i have a happy disposition, and go out of my way to help others, make them laugh, even if it means making a fool of myself, just knowing i have made them laugh gives me a satisfaction that i can not explain, so it's all worth it. I don't even hate what i have, i am in awe of it, i would not be the person i am today if i didn't have it, because i would not have experienced half the stuff that i have, good or bad,so i don't sook, i just try to tell as many about it as possible, because this didn't exist to me until i got it. I may not be able to a lot of things like before, but i can do different things now, i may not be able to do a lot of physical stuff anymore, and i might not be able to concentrate like before, but i am strong in character, and in my opinion that everyone needs to be informed about this cruel disease.http://posts.fanbox.com/tplv5
